An emergency meeting of the Upper Objection chapter has been called for this evening after a resident of Church Lane submitted an application to repaint their front door in a shade of dusky pink the chapter has described, in a statement, as "not the colour it was".
The door is currently black. It was, according to Lady Ottoline Wrekin, N.O.B., "black in 1740, black in 1940, and black when we all moved here and started caring about it". The application, required because the house is in a conservation area, was posted on the parish noticeboard at 9am. By 9.20am it had been photographed, shared on the chapter's Facebook group by Tarquin Bowes-Lyonish in capitals, and objected to eleven times.
It's the thin end of the wedge. Today a door. Tomorrow a conservatory. The day after, who knows. Probably a porch. We have to stop it at the door, which, if you think about it, is where you'd normally stop things.Margaret Pemberton-Quill, N.O.B.
The applicant, who has lived in the village for three years and is therefore regarded as "new", is understood to have chosen the colour because "we like it". The chapter has asked the council to treat this as an aggravating factor.
Derek Turnstile has raised concerns that a pink door could "distract drivers" on Church Lane, which is a cul-de-sac. Dr Barnaby Slough has asked whether the existing paint has been surveyed for bats. Gavin, the chapter's legal adviser, has advised members to "put it in writing", and has been asked to check whether pink is "technically a colour".
This story will be updated as the outrage develops.