A large brown puddle in a potholed lane outside a pub. A woman in pearls stands beside it with a small brass plaque on a stick. A council van with a shovel visible in the back has stopped a few yards away, engine running.
Lady Wrekin unveils the plaque. Highways waited.

A puddle outside the Bell public house in Nether Fossey has been added to the district's local list of heritage assets, hours before a highways crew was due to repair the pothole beneath it.

The application was made by the association's Heritage and Setting officer, Lady Ottoline Wrekin, N.O.B., who argued that the puddle had been in continuous existence since the winter of 1974, "with brief interruptions in drought years which only add to its story", and forms "an integral part of the setting of the conservation area, the pub, and the approach to the pub".

Generations have stepped around that puddle. Generations have stepped in it. My late husband was splashed by it in 1981 and spoke of little else. You can't just fill in heritage because a van has turned up.Lady Ottoline Wrekin, N.O.B.

Her submission included a hand-drawn map, three watercolours by a member, and a statement from Dr Barnaby Slough, who said the puddle "has newt potential". A rival submission from the landlord of the Bell, describing the puddle as "a pothole that's ruining my car", was noted.

52Years old
3Watercolours
1981Late husband splashed
0Newts (potential: high)

The highways crew has been stood down. The council has confirmed that any future works to the puddle will require a heritage impact assessment, a photographic record and "sensitivity".

Lady Wrekin has since begun work on an application to list the smell from the drain, which she describes as "1740 at the latest".